by Lisa
I went to an estate sale yesterday and got the most beautiful 10″ tall brass pot for a still life. Okay, it is a spitoon. The thought makes me want to gag, but I try to look beyond that and not IN it. As an avid ‘sale-or’ I am very good at haggling over prices. They wanted $10. I told them the pot had dents and I would pay $7 for it. The truth be known, I was willing to pay more for the dents since it gives it more character in a painting. I got it for $8 in the end after considerable arguing.
So, I went to take a bubble bath last night (I am moving on now–this has nothing to do with the spitoon) and had the wonderful idea to take a bowl of popcorn and a book in with me. I often read in the bathtub, but the popcorn was going to take it to a new level. This requires quite a bit of planning as it turns out. Pay attention. My first mistake was to take a bowl, the base of which was about 49% wider that the corner of my bathtub. This made it perch, shall we say, precariously. I started the water, poured the bubble bath and began sloshing the water to make foam. This sprinkled water all over the rest of the tub so that there was no dry spot along the edge to put my book, except on top of the bowl. Which I did, like a house of cards, but I was still okay up to that point. Next I got into the bathtub stepping veeeery carefully around the lurking bowl. I got all settled in and the time had come to read and eat popcorn.
I put my glasses on. That’s when the trouble began. They got foggy from the steam. When I went to reach outside the door for a towel to wipe them, I bumped the bowl since I couldn’t see, and caught IT, but in went the book. Books don’t care about foam. They sink right to the bottom very quickly. That’s okay I thought. It’s still readable. It is a paperback, and it will just become my bathtub book, is all. No worries. I even relished the notion that now I didn’t have to be so anal about keeping it dry. As I was wringing it out, I made my second mistake. One little bump and down went the popcorn. Now, popcorn in a bubble bath is different. The kernels sit on top of the foam for a while. This presents another happy accident since you can now read your wet book and eat your popcorn sprinkled about you without having to reach over your shoulder into the bowl every time. I did discover that once the kernels sink, they get really slimy very quickly, and are not as good. Are you thinking what I’m thinking? SPITOON!!!!
If you try this at home, here is some advice. Take a strainer with you to remove the kernels that sink since they aren’t too comfortable to sit on. Also, by the time you are done with your new bubble bath experience, you will need to shower off unless you want an obvious line of salt around your shoulders.
On Painting 
Lisa, you’ve been hanging around or talking to Bill too much – sounds like something he would do!
You’re too funny! A friend once told me I should write a book on how to properly take bubble baths – I have a list of bubble bath ‘ingredients’ for nearly every occasion.
I’m going to suggest a cold, super juicy orange instead of popcorn next time!
:)
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Had I done that would I TELL everyone about it????? Probably not….
But it did bring up some really fun imagery!! AND you made me smile which is always a wonderful thing so thank you, Lisa, for starting off my day just right!!!
PS… I like the literary style where you brought the whole disaster thing back masterfully to the original spitoon/art topic.
Can I borrow the book when you are done? I need a book to read in the shower. I will make my own popcorn thanks.
Oh my god, Lisa, this is absolutely hysterical to read. :D :D :D
And I envy you the spittoon, what a cool object to paint (though not to think about).
Yes, Rhonda this does sound like a ‘Bill’, though I am not beyond stupidity myself.
Angela, can you recommend a bubble bath the produces particularly dense bubbles? I think the popcorn would stay afloat longer. How about particularly lightweight popcorn?
Now come on, Marion. You have to admit you eat popcorn while bubble bathing.
I’m with Rhonda – it does sound like you’ve been hanging around with Bill too much.
Can you give the recipe for the popcorn? how much bubbles per water? and what kind of bubbles?
I’m still trying to get over the idea of the spittoon – it has quite a narrow opening, so it’s hard to miss… Are you certain the dents were not caused by missed popcorn kernels, courtesy of the original owner.
Are you proposing to strain the entire bathtub contents through a seive? Good luck. Ew. Soggy popcorn!
I agree with Marian – Very funny and masterfully told!
very funny. I can just imagine you sitting on kernels! BAHH!! So, as long as didnt drop the book in the toilet like my cell phone that one summer…It also dried out and worked again, but due to lack of money, did not become my bathroom phone. :)
OK now, I’m not so big a dummy I would sit a book on the edge of the tub. Besides why read when you can watch a movie. I put the TV on the end of the tub. It hangs out and teeters a bit but when I plug the lamp and hair dryer into the extension cord along with the TV, the balance seems like it will hold it up. I put the popcorn on top of the TV (where it is kept warm) and pick up the kernals with my foot. You must keep a towel handy as you have to wipe your foot or the popcorn will be soggy. This, for you slackers that don’t get to the gym, keeps the core muscles tuned as you must quickly use the non popcorn holding foot to catch the TV as it teeters toward the water.
hmm…eating with your toes? I think I will text Bill in the middle of the night and ask if he pees standing up?
You are so funny! I have just discovered your blog from your comment on mine re: mouseparts. I love the artwork here, too. I’ll be back often to start my day with a laugh.
–jane